Wednesday, April 8, 2009
The Hair Nazi
OK, so this pic is of Tabatha Coffey from Bravo's "Tabatha's Salon Takeover". Now that I really sit back & think of it. I think perhaps she is the one I ran into... but then, it couldn't have been... my Quiz Show Host HAD to be from Germany.
About 4 years back or so, I went to the bank with my friend Catherine to go cash her paycheck - no bitch didn't owe me money. I was just accompanying her :) LOL, so Cath-e-rine goes up to the counter to start her banking transaction & I figure I'm gonna take a load off & sit on some of the chairs in the lobby area. Out of nowhere this white haird lady (reference picture above) begins to stare at me. I mean staring as if she saw me on a Wanted (Dead or Aliiiiiiiive Poster). She walks up to me & already *groan* I know what this convo is going to be about. So it begins, with her think German accent... she begins asking me about my hair...
Wait, before I begin, try & say this to yourself in the most German accent you can gather within yourself... OK? OK. And also, keep in mind, after EVERY SINGLE THING SHE SAYS SHE MAKES THIS FACE...
Keep it in mind... it is CENTRAL for the journey I'm about to take you on...
Hair Nazi: Hello
Hair Nazi: I have a question for you.
Hair Nazi: Is that your hair?
Hair Nazi: Yours?
Hair Nazi: You got this style from somewhere?
Hair Nazi: How did you get it?
Me: ::pause:: IT'S MINE
Hair Nazi: Well, what do you put in it?
Me: Gel, Hair Spray & I diffuse it
Hair Nazi: NO! What do you put in it? What kind of product?
Me: ::taken aback:: Ummm, Biolage
Hair Nazi: Really? That's it? :: evil laugh under breath:: I don't believe you...
Me: ::about to smack a bitch up:: OK...
Hair Nazi: I don't believe you. How do you do it? How often do you do it?
Me: ::divulge my trade secrets:: about once a week
Hair Nazi: I don't believe you... What do you use again? ::in the most aggressive manner::
Bitch was straight up quizzing me!!!
Me: I told you
Hair Nazi: Well, I can't believe it. I'm a stylist & when women come in to see me they say they want your hair & I can't do that. I can't believe you can.
Now... I begin laughing to myself, mystified by the fact that German women are strolling into Helga's House of Hair demanding to have my curls... IN GERMANY!!!!!!!!! Is she kidding me? I can't imagine seeing Helga strolling down the street with this dead carcass on my head... so now I don't believe her.
Me: Well, I CAN
She got over it & Catherine was done with her banking transaction so I told her good luck & left her there stupified... she probably still talks of me & my hair as if I was an apparition... like I was an oasis. LOL, no one will ever believe the tale of "The Woman with the Gorgeous Hair"