Thursday, March 5, 2009
What A Mean Old Man...
One bright beautiful clear weekday I hop on the subway to get to work; like any normal New Yorker. We're lined up like cattle waiting for the other rats to scurry out of the train car so we can make our way in. I see an opening & jet on in ~ my aren't I fast :) I have no idea why I was in such a rush to jump on in... there were absolutely no seats. A fellow cattle; an old man, with a hump on his back (I swear, if he stood up straight he was at least 6'3"), manages to slowly make his way in. Now, this is where I count on you to use your imagination. I was on a train that had these seats:
This mean old man decided to do a MAJOR side lunge into the seat (where the above douche is sitting)... so picture someone sitting in each of the seats of 3 seater & 1 person sitting next to the above douche (replace with mean old man). The old man attemps to sit while in his crouching tiger major groin pulling side lunge:
But, imagine this even longer... he sets his saggy ass down (again while STILL in this position) & proceeds to push the man sitting next to him as if he insulted him or owed him money. So hard in fact that the man sitting next to him almost fell off of the chair!! I stand in disbelief, could this really be happening? As Mean Old Man (let's give him a name shall we? Clarence... Clarence it is!) proceeds to push him he makes a dreadful sound "Uuuuuuhuhhhhhhhhhhhhh" as he points to his disfigured lunge leg in an attempt to justify why he's pushing perfect strangers around. From his pointing & grunting I deduce he was pissed that stranger guy didn't get up so he could get into the seat properly. You think the pushing ended there? No, as he tried to adjust himself he continued to push stranger guy... thankfully I think he realized Clarence was off his rocker & sat on the very tip of the seat as not to get in Clarence's way; but Clarence put every limb out there to be sure to push Stranger Guy away.
So, it calms down for 2 stops... then it's time for Stranger Guy #2 (on the edge of the 3 seater closest to Clarence) to get off. As he attempts to stand up Clarence decides this is a perfect time to mix things up & proceeds to push this poor unsuspecting man practically to the other side of the car!!! He points again with his dreadful sound "Uuuuuuhuhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!" to his toe. Turns out Stranger Guy #2 didn't watch his step & brushed up against Clarence (still sitting in his lunge position) on his way out. Again, shock & disbelief at this point from me. Could there truly be this many loonies roaming the streets of NY? I was scared Clarence was going to go on a rampage like the chimp did a few weeks ago... but thankfully, his bullying had him spent & he quietly sat there for the remainder of my ride... whew... I barely made it out of there alive... LOL