Thursday, March 12, 2009

I'm Having... Chest Pains...

So, a few years back I began having weird things happen with my Lil’ Ol’ Heart… it was doing a delayed double beat almost every other beat. So, I decide I gotta go see a Dr. Now, I know I’m getting old… why you may ask? This is why… here is a list of the Dr.’s I own:

Dr. Bolds ~ Dentist (best in the world)
Dr. Campton ~ Dermatologist
Dr. Daub ~ regular good ol’ body Doctor
Dr. Econopouly ~ Podiatrist
Dr. Namdar ~ Ear, nose & throat Doctor
Dr. Pumill ~ Cardiologist
Dr. Schwartz ~ Eye Doctor
Dr. Shin ~ Lady Doctor

So you see, I’m old… I have 8! Count ‘em 8 Doctors!!!! And one in the family – so I have 9 Doctors!!! I’m old…

Anywho, I find my Cardiologist & have an EKG done, they say I have to wear a Heart Monitor for 24 hours straight. It’s this HUGE square box that I have to hook unto my pants while the wires run all over various parts of my person. So many damned wires - straight up, I was a cyborg... If I would have gotten arrested or hit by a car or something & I had to get frisked or shocked they would’ve thought I was a suicide bomber or something. LOL So cool, I’ll wear it. That morning my Dad dropped me off @ the bus stop & in my rush to cross the street I guess I dropped the cover the “heart box” came in because I couldn’t find it anywhere… The next day my Daddy gives me a ride back to Dr.’s office to return the monitor, this is where things get interesting…

I walk up to the counter – behind it is about 5-6 nurses – all women (great). The conversation goes like this:
Me: Hi, I’m here to drop off my heart monitor
Nurse #1: OK, do you have the case it came in?
Me: Unfortunately, no, I think I lost it (insert :) here)
Nurse #1: OK… but we need the case
Me: OK… but I don’t have it
Nurse #1: Where is it?
Me: I think I lost it, do you need me to pay for it?
Nurse #1: (speaking to Nurse #2) She doesn’t have the case for the box…
Nurse #2: Hi, do you have the case for this?
Me: Unfortunately, no, I think I lost it (insert :) here)
Nurse #2: We need the case
Me: But I don’t have it
Nurse #2: Well, where is it?
Me: I LOST IT, I DON’T KNOW WHERE IT IS… I LOST IT, like, I don’t have it on me, I don’t know where it is, I have no idea… (my stupification speech @ the situation continues)
Nurse #2: But we need it
Me: Like I told her, I don’t have it – I lost it. If I knew where it was I’d be giving it to you right now. Do you need me to pay for it?
Nurse #2: No, but we need it

At this point a sweet Nurse with a heart of gold who had been pitifully watching this go down (along with the rest of them) steps in & comes to my rescue by saying:
Nurse #3: Guys, just like she told #1 & just like she told you #2 – she doesn’t have it
Me: Right
Nurse #3: Just give it to me, don’t worry about it… it’s just a case

Looking back after this heart palpitation inducing conversation I think I should have pointed out to all these petty hags behind the counter that I was here… at the HEART Dr.’s office… for a PROBLEM with my HEART… and you’re making it worse!!!!! You’re annoying me… my poor lazy heart was beating triple time.

Lesson learned: ignore people when they make you repeat things more than twice. Perhaps it’s just me, but I’m nice when I say something once, annoyed when you say what? And I have to repeat myself a second time. But it is a *GUARANTEE* if you ask me again, a third time to repeat myself you will get a nasty look followed by my old standby: REALLY?!?!?! WTF am I gonna do when I have kids… hopefully they’ll know not to make Mommy repeat something 3 times… it won’t end well, their bones are very brittle still… LOL

p.s. ~ the old ticker has gotten better :)

1 comment:

Hieee... So, you wanna leave a comment huh? I touched you that much huh? LOL, well thank you. Listen, to make it easier the best thing to do is to select "Name/URL" from the "Comment As" drop down menu. You just have to enter your name, no need for a URL. Thanks for your comment :)