Thursday, March 12, 2009

Faceoff with The Fashionista

As you know, I take the subway to & from work – every day. Just the other day, I was sitting in my seat… calm… tired… dreading going to work. I’d rather be in bed – ‘Rule of Thumb’ I’d always rather be in bed. LOL, anywho, as I sit & listen to my lovely music a typical NY Fashionista sashays into the train car. I’m talking walking as if she won America’s Next Top Model. Work it bitch. Looking as if she stepped right off of a Marc Jacobs runway… H-U-G-E bag that you could fit a litter of kittens or 2 small midgets in. Long leather boots, tights, big fluffy coat – sunglasses (FYI, it was not sunny out & even if it was ya stupid a-hole – SUN is not able to reach us down here in the bowels of NYC). Besides all of these glamorous things she’s sporting what I like to call a “Shitface”...
- ie. literally looking like they just smelled shit & you can tell just by looking @ their face. Just walking around with a sense of entitlement, walking around as if she’s the Queen of Everything – step off – I OWN that title LOL! Like everyone is beneath her. The train races along & we come to my stop yay… woohoo… time to get off & earn my keep. I step off of the train as does everyone else & we all have to merge onto an escalator. Now, again, I know how the subways & merging & “playing chicken” (ya know, when you & someone else are walking in opposing directions & someone has to stand their ground & keep walking straight as the other one puss*es out & veers off of the “road”) goes with people in NY. I know I have to let a few people cut in front of me, I know I have to be considerate & polite while making my way to the escalator; although that goes out the door at times – I swear I just want to greet peoples faces with a swift elbow to the face – I’m always down to throw ‘dem bows. But otherwise, I’m a normal, considerate person. But I was not today, not this morning, not to this Fashionista that wanted to walk as people dropped rose petals at her feet. She was trying to get in front of me & not in an inconspicuous way – in a I’m going to let my homeless lady bag keep punching into you until you are knocked over way. She keeps pushing & punching me with her bag & that’s it chick. My hips don’t lie & I will knock your ass back into kingdom come if you keep pushing me – trust. So it’s a faceoff now, who can make it to the escalator faster while we’re at war of pushing & poking… No need to wonder everyone, I beat a b*tch. I made it onto the escalator before she did, I threw my purse behind me & flicked my lions mane hoping I’d at least graze her. I felt better… got my day off in a good way… until next time Fashionista… you… me… rematch…

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